the only thing suicidal here is the door [winnie]

[LUCCA MICHKAEL ANGELO]

lucca hadn't had the best of days. today was friday which meant school and the weekend and that was never exactly a fun thing for him. he pretty much despised school, but he despised the weekends more. most people hated school when they were his age, but he hated it more then most. some people had friends to look forward to and well- he had nothing. weekends were even worse because it meant more time at home if he couldn't help it. he had hardly any friends and all of his teachers pretty much thought he was a freak because he never spoke. he'd give up language long ago when talking to authority figures because they never listened to you anyways. they thought what they wanted to think and they were right, you were wrong. just because you were young didn't mean you didn't know what you were talking about in your own life though. he knew the reality of what he had to go home to everyday and no one else did. he knew what he had to put up with. most of his pain wasn't self inflicted- it was his father who, whether drunk or sober, constantly beat on him. the only self inflicted wounds were covering his arms and parts of his stomach and a bit of his legs, but not many were outside of his arms. that was why he always wore hoodies. he didn't want the sympathy and he didn't want a psyc. he just wanted to die.

well that was mostly true he was around his longest and most best friend, winnie. some days she made life worth living because she could make him forget everything. he was even a little less drunk and high around her because he didn't need to be. they both had it bad though, and he knew that. it was just nice to know that someone knew what it was like. he wasn't exactly sure what was going on with her at home, but sometimes when he snuck over to her house in the middle of the night, she never wanted him to leave. he didn't ask though. they pretty much had a 'dont ask, dont tell' relationship about their home lives because they didn't need the background when they were around each other. some nights they would just lie in bed and think about running away together and leaving this town behind. he usually promised her they would get out of here, and he would find her a good boyfriend to take care of her. he wanted the best for the girl who kept him slightly more attached to the world then he had been. he was a complete hot mess, and so was she.

dad was drunk again once he got home, and that automatically meant a beating as soon as he walked in the door. lucca didn't even know that his father was home because it was so quiet in the house. he walked in and turned on the lights and there was a hard hit to the back of his head from behind which sent the short male to the floor. his father turned him over and began wailing on his face, landing punches that cut his eye and busted his lip. the older man was much bigger than lucca though and although he was eighteen, he felt as if he was still a child under his father. although he was a grown man, he still wasn't very big. lucca tried to land some punches back to his father, but it wasn't working so well. his father just kept hitting him harder, complaining that a bottle of his prized vodka was missing. he fought as best as he could and finally scrambled away enough to get upstairs and make a break for it out the second story window. from then on he ran as fast as he could away from home. he smelled the alcohol on the old man's breath. it was nothing new.

he ran down the street as fast as his legs could carry him, his nose bleeding as well as his lip busted open. his eye was swollen shut nearly and black and blue, purplish rings around it from a fist landing straight into it. he ran until he couldn't run anymore, heaving his breath in his throat. he smelled heavily of weed and alcohol from earlier that day, but he was sober now although he wished he wasn't. he found himself in a familiar neighborhood and although it was dark outside and he figured it was around ten pm, he found his way to winnie's house. he had his sunglasses on by now, even though it was night, and the blood on his face was a mixture of wet and dry. he looked at the terrace that set infront of her house and he climbed it carefully as he had done so often before and scrambled onto the roof with some difficulty. his body was slightly shaking still from the adrenaline, but he navigated his way across the roof and to her bedroom, pulling the bedroom window open and slipping inside carefully.

outfit;; boom boom pow!

[WINONA MARIE MARCS]

almost a perfect five minutes after the final bell of the day had rang, winona's phone buzzed and rang inside the pocket of her bag. so tired from the last lesson, she hadn't given it much thought, and didn't bother to check it until she had gotten home. she kissed her mother's cheek, who was working on what looked like something great. she had worked on a bit of home work before realizing her calculator had been left in her locker, and figured the application on her cell phone would just have to do. she slid her phone open and frowned at the message that had popped open. her calender was reminding her that tonight was the night. her father had practically perfected his schedule. he enjoyed to knock on her bedroom door every night and give her a a long kiss good night, but on friday's, usually the first and third friday of the month, he would give her a long kiss good night and his hands would wander, his clothes would fall to the floor, and he'd leave her later, feeling dirty and sinful.

usually, this didn't happen until after her mother had taken her pain medication and sleeping pills with dinner. after her homework had been finished. after the dishes were washed, dried, and put away. after the news was over and winona's mother was, surely, in a heavy sleep. tonight, however, winona's mother had complained of a terrible head ache that nearly matched the pain of her legs, had tossed all of her chopped vegetables and placed the meat back in the refrigerator, and sufficed with a few pills and a bit of toast and tea. she was, surely, in a deep sleep long before the news had even started. winona had been working on her homework, praying that he would follow her mother's lead and forget the usual schedule and head straight to bed. he hadn't, though, merely sped it up. she had been working on a tricky history essay when her father knocked and entered.

daddy, i really need to finish this, she had said when he stood behind her, twirling strands of her red hair around his fingers. if i don't finish this now, it will never get done, she had explained, her fingers still clacking away at the keys, using the heel of her hand to push her glasses up. daddy, i'm already tired enough. if i do ... then i'll simply fall asleep after and my grade will slip. her complaints and bullshit excuses weren't working, his hands were rubbing her back and working at the buttons of her blouse. let me tuck you in ,winnie.

it lasted twenty eight minutes this time. she had been watching the clock across the room the entire time, watching as the numbers ticked. her head board had hit the wall thirteen times, and the sprins squealed with all two hundred and six thrusts. he had came with a loud grunt, and had tossed his handy trojan into her trash bin. don't put that essay off, winona, he had said in a stern voice as he pulled his trousers up and abandoned her. she had continued to stare at the clock for several minutes until she was sure he'd be asleep by then before heading across the hall to take a scolding hot shower. she showered after ever escapade, but never felt clean. she had returned to her bedroom and locked the door behind her.

she stood, five feet tall, staring at her reflection, holding her towel open to see what on earth was so damn attractive about her that he couldn't resist. she didn't see anything special. she stifled a sob, and looked from her breasts to her knee's, when she looked back up she noticed the darkly dressed man climbing in through her window. most girls her age would have shrieked, covered themselves, and called for their fathers. winona, though, closed her towel and turned to face him. she ran a hand through her red, wet hair and looked to him, frowning. she noticed the fresh wounds on his face and approached. oh, angel, she said, wrapping her arms around him in a hug. he was one of the shortest boys in their graduating class, but he was still a whole seven inches than her, and her head pressed against his ribs, listening to his heart beat. she could smell the scent he usually wore, soap and marijuana and the smell of alcohol, blood, and sweat.

she opened her mouth to ask the question she always wanted to ask but never did. they had themselves an unspoken rule where sharing was never forced. instead of asking, her mouth formed different words. i'll go get you an ice pack. she opened her closet door to change into a pair of underwear, a long shirt that could pass as a dress and left the room.

[LUCCA MICHKAEL ANGELO]

most men would have stared or watched, seeing a beautiful girl with her towel wide open for anyone in the room to see, lucca had barely noticed it though. he thought winnie was beautiful, very beautiful in fact, but his mind was never there. unlike most guys his age, lucca hardly ever thought of sex. he wouldn't pass up an oppertunity most of the time, but he wasn't interested in seeking it out at all. he had enough issues to deal with rather then complicating things in his life further with an emotional woman who would ask constantly where they stood now. this was his best friend anyways, and he was pretty sure he would never sleep with her. he was pretty sure she would never sleep with him either. not in a sexual way, that is. they had spent many nights together, but none involved sex or anything more then a friendly comforting body as far as he was concerned. then again, he was never a smart one when it came to hints of the opposite sex.

he always hated the look on her face when she saw him like this and he never understood why he kept coming back to her. he didn't even have his sunglasses off yet, and she still thought he looked terrible. he winced and let out a breath when she hugged him, but he hugged her back, laying his cheek on her wet hair, not minding the cool dampness against his burning hot face. he was still breathing heavily from running and climbing and he hadn't yet caught his breath, but he didn't know what he would have said to her anyways. what would you say in a moment like this? the same thing he always did.. and he would probably say it later once he caught up with himself. damn he really needed a drink right now. he needed to feel the burning in his throat tickling down his insides and numbing him every which way. he swallowed hard and held his breath, coughing within his chest to muffle the sound.

as she moved away from him to get changed, he slowly sat on her bed, the smell of sex strong in her bedroom masked slightly by her shampoo. he glanced to her trashbin and bit his lip, seeing the condom there. he closed his eyes tightly and squeezed the bridge of his nose under his sunglasses, his imagination only wandering to what he was sure had happened. he was sure it happened again. he knew winnie so well. she wasn't like other girls. she didn't sleep around and she had no boyfriend now. he knew what was going on and had for a while. for years he had been trying to figure out a plan to stop it, but he couldn't plan it out short of shooting the man which he had thought of before. he had even come to her house once with his father's gun, the same on that had shot him, but he couldn't do it after seeing the look on her face. he heard the door close and he jumped, wincing at the loud sound before he realized what it was.

he removed the sunglasses from his face and licked his busted lip, the familiar metallic taste there as he set them on her end table. he looked at the condom again before feeling like he would throw up. his breathing quickened and he rushed to the bathroom, falling to his knees and letting the left over alcohol still in his stomach come up hard. once he got rid of the evidence and rinsed his mouth out, he didn't even bother looking at himself in the mirror. he couldn't see out of his left eye anyways. he made his way back over to the bed and looked at the comforter that was still perfectly on the bed, knowing in his haste her father was too lazy to remove it. he tugged at it until it came off the bed and he threw it at the furthest corner of the room. "fucking bastard." he snarled before he sat on the bed and threw the hood over his head once more, burying his face in his hands.

once he heard her foot steps, he slowly removed his hands from his face, but he kept his head down. "i'm sorry winnie.. i don't even know why i just- i'm sorry.... oh god i'm so sorry..." he repeated in much of the same fashion he often did when he found himself at her home unannounced.

outfit;; pow!

[WINONA MARIE MARCS]

winona had been careful on the walk down stairs. she walked on her toes and hopped the step that always seemed to squeak, no matter how little pressure was put upon it. she had been as quiet as possible, digging out the ice pack and digging out a bottle of water for each of them. on the walk up stairs, however, she had been thinking about the fact that she hadn't remembered to turn on her fan, to spray a bit of air freshener, or to empty her trash bin before leaving lucca alone in her bedroom. her mind lost in those panicked thoughts, she had forgotten about the stair and heard it creak under her feet, the sounds frightening her and sending her ice pack to the floor. she froze, holding her night dress tight to her and hiding herself in the shadow, trying to hear over the sound of her violently pulsing heart beat and her heavy breath. she was waiting to see if it had woken him up, if he'd come out to explore. she gripped tight to the night gown collar, her knuckles turning white as she noticed the shadow of a person approaching. please, god, no. not while lucca is here. please, no, she prayed to a god she didn't believe in, watching the shadow approach. winnie? she nearly cried as she heard her mothers groggy voice.

it's me, mom, she whispered, leaning forward and over the banister and smiling at her mother. her mother was obviously still udner the heavy influence of the medication, because her eyes were half open and she was swaying quite a bit. here, let me help you back to bed, she offered, heading down the stairs, and grasping her mother around the sides and by the elbow, leading her back to her bedroom. is something wrong, pooh bear? winona laughed and smiled rather sadly at her oblivious mother. lucca got into another fight. he's going to be spending the night, i hope that's alright with you. her mother nodded, and let winona abandon her just outside of the bedroom door. good night, mom. i love you. she kissed her cheek and ran back to the the stair case, picking up the fallen bottles and pack of ice and running up the stairs. the second floor smelled, she noticed, horrible; like vomit and sex and salt and all things winona had always considered horrible. she scrunched her nose and entered her bedroom.

she looked to her comforter on the bedroom floor and lucca on the end of her bed, she set the bottles and pack on her desk and approached him. she lowered herself to her knee's, placing a hand on either side of his head. shut up, angel, she laughed, stretching to kiss the top of her head. you're wanted here any time. you're needed her most of the time. she nuzzled her face into his neck, the hood of his jacket warm against her face, her hands falling away from his head and placing them on his knee's. don't apologize for being here when i need you as much as you need me. she offered him one of those smiles she shared with, usually, only the pages of books of her shoes or her day dreams. she kissed his nose, which was a far sweeter gesture than most people expected lucca angelo to accept, before standing and returning to him. she held out the bottle of water and an ice pack, before heading to her night stand, and unlocking her safe box and handing him two aspirin before locking it back up. between the medication abuse between her mother and lucca, winona had taken to locking such things away, not out of distrust but out of caution and love. she looked to the comforter on the floor and figured that lucca had pieced together the puzzle. she walked over to her closet and pulled down her old comforter and tossed it into the center of the bed, before sitting beside lucca.

she placed a palm on his knee and her head on his shoulder. so, she asked, her tone rather playful, obviously hoping to lighten the mood. how was your day? she asked, snorting at the sarcasm and the irony.

[LUCCA MICHKAEL ANGELO]

his whole body was in pain and he just wanted to sleep, but he didn't. it was one of those times where you found yourself in the limbo of things. you wanted so many things at once but they contridicted each other and none of it made sense. he wanted the smell of the room to go away. he wanted the room to be spinning and things to be beautifully distorted by a drunken high that almost nearly kills him. he wanted to be back on the bathroom floor at his home. he wanted to be dragging blades across his arms like he had done this afternoon in the boy's bathroom at school as a joint hung from his mouth. he wanted to be free of everything. most of all, he wanted to save the girl who he loved so dearly. he never said he loved anyone before, no one person, except winona marcs. she was the only one who ever had his love. she had more of his heart then any of his past girls ever would, and he wasn't even sure if she knew that.

as she told him to shut up, he sighed softly, looking up slowly as she kneeled on the ground infront of him. his eyes scanned her pretty, flawless, face and took it all in as best as he could despite the blindness caused by his eye being nearly swollen shut. he was a mess, blood was smeared all over his face and dried drops clung to his pale skin. he didn't want to be this close to her looking like this, but she never minded. she always took him in no matter how bad he looked, no matter how drunk or high he was, she always accepted him. that was something he never had before. he never had unconditional love. no one loved him as much as winnie seemed like she loved him and she was one of the few reasons he kept one string of his tattered rope to the earth. it was one reason why he had lowered the gun from his head so many times. she was one reason why he kept hismelf going, if that was what you could call this.

she kissed the top of his head and he closed his eyes, enjoying the tender moment. her face found its way to his neck and he gently let his head rest upon hers momentarily before picking it back up. "you always say that but- i-... i dont like for you to see me.. you know... like this and all..." he said quietly as he adverted his eyes from her. "non è buona.." the italian spoke softly, a phrase he used often. it isn't good. as she said she needed him as much as he needed her and she smiled, he couldn't help but smile softly back. it was only the truth and they both knew it. she kissed his nose and he let out a soft, breathy chuckle as he watched her go and get the ice pack and water. he rubbed at his nose, fresh blood on his hand along with dry. his nose was sorely bruised, but luckily not broken. he took the ice pack from her with his clean hand, the water with the dirty one. he looked at the water and swallowed deeply before looking at her back. "have anything stronger?" he asked, guessing the answer, but he thought he'd try. she wasn't the type to take him as ungreatful, luckily, she knew better. he was greatful for everything she had ever done for him, he just really needed to numb himself now. he eyed the bottle of pills she had and watched quietly as she handed him two. "thank you." he said softly as he took them, opening the water and taking a drink. he gingerly put the ice pack to his eye and winced, pulling it away quickly, settling for just playing with it in his hands momentarily.

he rubbed at his bloodied nose again as she sat next to him and laid her head on his shoulder, her hand on his knee. he laughed softly as she asked how his day was and he shook his head softly. "oh just wonderful bambina. how was yours?" he asked just as teasingly before he kissed her head tenderly, letting his lips linger there a moment despite the fact his lip was busted open. "oggi è stata ... merda totale. almeno io sono qui con voi oggi." he said softly, more to himself then her as he scratched at his hair line where some dried blood was. "grazie. la ringrazio molto bambina ..." he said, thanking her repeatedly for everything. he kissed her head again and got up from the bed slowly. "i need to go clean up.. i feel like i'm bleeding everywhere.." he said as a drop of blood dripped slightly from his nose and onto his lip which he promptly licked away as he left the room to her bathroom.

he flicked on the light and shut the door slightly, leaving just a crack open as he began rummaging through the drawers until he found a razor blade. he pushed up his sleeves and drug it across his wrists and forearms a few times, bright red blood billowing to the top of the cuts. he winced slightly, breathing heavily before he looked in the mirror, his nose dripping blood. he must have brushed the scab off earlier. he drug it across his left wrist once more, deeper, and wrapped it in toilet paper, dropping it in the trash bin. he dropped his head slightly, running his arms underneath the icy water, her sink filling with his blood as he watched it wash away.

outfit;; pow!

[WINONA MARIE MARCS]

she felt the smile on her lips and the breathy laugh that split them when he answered her question in just as sarcastic a manner, but really didn't understand anything at all in the moment. usually, on friday's lucca got the worst beatings of the week and would turn up at her house shortly after dinner. he had done that tonight, but hadn't beat her father to her room. her thumb stroked his knee as she sat with her head leaning on her shoulders, wondering the rather silly thought of: if my head is this close, can he hear my thoughts? she closed her eyes and thought hard. i love you, angel, but you need a shower. she gave another breathy laugh through her nose at the thought and her eyes widened as he dismissed himself to go and clean. she wondered for a brief moment if he had, in fact heard her thoughts, but felt childish and stupid for even considering it possible.

she sat up on her bed and gave him a few moments to shower, before standing. she used the small key hanging from the end of her ear to open her drawer once more, she took two aspirin herself, noticing the pain in her shoulders from where her father had been gripping and the pain in her hips where his hips had hit. she drank them down with lucca's water, too lazy to get up and grab her own. she tasted the taste of saliva and marijuana most distinctly and while she stuck her tongue out and made a small yick nose in the back of her throat, she offered the bottle a small smile. it tasted like his breath which was a familiar thing; a sort of comforting thing. she set the bottle down and returned the aspirin back into the drawer. she pushed aside the college application that had yet to be filled out and the acceptance letters she didn't even want to receive before finding the small bottle of spray she wanted. she stood and stood higher on her toes to reach the chord hanging from the ceiling fan, spraying a bit of the hawaiin ginger spray at the spinning propellers, and then spraying her bed. she tossed the small bottle back into the drawer and and closed it, giving it a tug to make sure it was closed. she unfolded her old, clean comforter and spread it across the matress and tossed the new, dirty one into the hamper, noticing her towels at the bottom of the hamper. she had down laundry that morning, but hadn't bothered to return any towels to the bathroom.

angel, she said, as she pushed the mostly closed door open. she held the towel out to him. in case you want to take a showe.. she stopped, dropping the towel to the ground. she frowned and cocked her head, staring at him and the fresh wounds on his exposed wrist. you tell me you want to clean up the blood, instead you want to make more. she pushed her glasses up her nose and stepped forward, plucking the razor from his grasp and tossing the small blade into the toilet which she promptly flushed the second the razor hit the porcelain under the water. she watched it swirl for a moment, the water tinting pink with his blood. she returned to him. he smile was gone, but she still didn't seem all too angry. she was more disappointed than anything. she used a rag to wipe up the sink, before hopping to sit up on it. she dug through the medicine cabinet and pulled out a first aid kit.

she reached forward and grasped him by his wrist, pulling him toward her and not bothering to care if the tug was impolite or caused him a little pain. she removed, first, a brown bottle of peroxide and poured a bit onto a large cotton ball. this is going to sting, she warned, dabbing at each cut. once the blood was gone she could tell they were deep, but wouldn't need stitches. next she applied a bit of ointment and butterfly bandages to keep the skin flaps on either end of the cut together. she wrapped the wrist in a short ace bandage and clipped it shut. she let his arm drop to his side and looked to him, her head still tilted and a frown still on her lips. she opened her mouth to ask him something or to tell him not to do such a thing when he had her a room away. she looked to his second arm, grasping it by the sleeve and pulling it toward her and rolling it up to the elbow, noticing cuts from, she presumed, earlier that day. they weren't healed, but the had stopped bleeding. still, she repeated the same cleaning and bandaging routine with this arm. come here, she mumbled, pulling him to her by his shoulders. she gave him a soft smile. you're so gorgeous, angel. i wish the world would leave this face of yours alone. she dipped a cotton ball under the cold tap and dabbed at the broken skin on his face, rubbing a bit of ointment on wounds not too close to his eyes and mouth. she used a rag to wipe at the smeared make up around his eyes and pushed the hair from his face. she smiled again. there, she said, running her finger down the bridge of his nose, lightly. much better. she wrapped her arms around his neck to hug him, pulling his closer.

[LUCCA MICHKAEL ANGELO]

he hadn't expected her to walkin like that, but even if he had been expecting her, he was too lost in his own thoughts to pay attention to the fact that she could have been talking to him. chemical reactions began to take place and his eyes closed feeling much better about the whole situation. he hurt like hell, but it was a sort of natural high. the body went on high alert and got to work releasing what his body needed most to heal. he relished in the feelings. he would have rather had alcohol or a joint, or even a needle right now, but he had no such luck. he hated being high or drunk around her anyways. he was sure he would never do anything to hurt her no matter how far gone he was, but he was more worried about the things he would say, or even the things he would do to himself. this was when quite a few of his attempts had happened. he would be high and in pain and he would just keep going, deeper and deeper, higher and higher, drunker and drunker until the pain eventually just melted away completely.

lucca was silent as she questioned him, his eyes lowering. it was one of those times when he went inside himself, a frown plastered on his face where it normally set. he was relaxed more so then he had been before even as the blood continued to flow off his wrists. he didn't let go of the razor, but she pulled it from him rather easily. he watched as the blade washed away and he furrowed his brow slightly wondering if thats how life would always be. in a moment you could be gone, just like that. in a moment all the pain and suffering could be gone away. in a moment, there would be no more blood shead. in a moment, everything would be perfect... quiet. oh death was such a sweet, sweet thing reserved just for the few. many thought the same about life but if they only knew the things he did, they would know that death was a far better thing then life. he couldn't wait for that ultimate silence. everything would come crashing around him and fade to black as it had done ten times before, but the eleventh would be the final. there would be no coming back from it the eleventh time.

he was ripped out of his thoughts as she pulled him forward by his wrist, a slight twitch of his face showing that he did at least still feel something. his eyes slowly reached hers as she said it would sting. "hopefully." he said softly, and it did. it stung pretty harshly, but he didn't flinch again. he wathced her face as she cleaned him before adverting his eyes to the cuts themselves as she bandaged them. he swallowed hard as she pulled up the other sleeve of his hoodie, revealing his scared and tattered arms. he loked down to his feet and inched away slightly from her, but she continued cleaning so he had no choice but to stay still. "how can you even look at that?" he asked softly, disgusted with himself. he hated his arms almost as mch as he hated the nasty stab wound he had to his stomach and the gunshot scar to his leg. his body was disgusting everywhere and thts why he covered most of it with tattoos. they distracted him from everything. as soon as his arms were clean he quickly tugged down his sleeves and looked away.

she beckoned him to come to her and pulled him close, so he took a step towards her as she sat on the sink. as she smiled at him he felt a bit better and gave a tiny one back, though it wasn't much. as she spoke again though, he frowned slightly. "no." he said quietly as she called him 'goregeous'. he didn't believe it for one minute. he winced slightly as she cleaned his face, his head drawing back every so often on reflex. she wiped at his makeup and he closed his eyes, letting her tke care of him. she was the only one that ever got the chnce though. he never let anyone else. she pushed the hair back from his face and he looked into her eyes the best he could, smiling back at her. he laughed softly as she drug her finger down his nose gingerly and shyed away momentarily before pressing his forehead to hers a second as she hugged him. he wrapped his arms around her and siged softly against her lips before he pulled back. "sorry- i probably smell terrible.. i should take you up on that shower probably.." he said as he glanced to it, not too fond of the water ever since his father had nearly drown him years ago, but he kept clean still. he just usually showered with some help from a joint or a good drink. "thanks.." he added quietly before he looked into her eyes again.

he smirked slightly, an old twinkle returning to his eye before he scooped her off the counter and carried her back to the bedroom, tossing her on the bed playfully. in a moment, despite his pain he pounced on her and began tickling her softly. he chuckled and grabbed her pillow, smacking her in the leg with it before sliding off the bed to his feet. "what are you gonna do about it?" he asked playfully, sticking his tongue out at her.

outfit;; pow!

[WINONA MARIE MARCS]

she smiled, their breath mingling together as he pressed his forehead to hers. the smell of peppermint tooth paste mingle with the smell of his breath and surprisingly, smelled rather amazing. stop being so sad, angel, i'm here, she whispered, nuzzling her nose against his, as lightly as possible without hurting the already injured nose. she nodded. yes, she argued. goooorgeous. i'm just the smartest person in this shit hole town, so i'm one of the only people to recognize to.

she smiled. her body was doing that thing where her muscles and joints twitched and every little atom of her was bouncing, her lips tingled and her lids fluttered constantly, slowly. her body wanted to kiss him, to touch him. she even figured, by the way it was racing, that her heart wanted to as well, but some little voice in the back of her head told her not to. her head was the thing she was depending on to get her away from this town and her father, so that was what she listened to. she kept her lips to herself and her thoughts to herself. like the thought that she loved lucca so much because he was the only one who ever loved her unconditionally. her father had stopped loving her like a little girl, and had turned her into his little object of release. her mother had obviously chosen the medication over her daughter. though she still loved them, they didn't deserve it like lucca did.

she nearly leaned in to kiss him, but instead she nodded. you do smell terrible, but i just cleaned and bandaged you, so you'll have to wait or give yourself one of those sponge baths. besides, you still haven't brought enough clothes to keep here, so you'd be walking around naked. she smirked. no offense, angel, but i'm really not all too interested in seeing your junk, she teased, shrugged, and laughed as he scooped her up, running across the short hall to her bedroom. angel! you're gonna fuck up my handy work! she scolded playfully, her arms and legs wrapped around him for only a moment, but fell away when he dropped her onto her freshly made bed. she pushed away his hands as he tickled her sides, giggling wildly, and hardly breathing.

she sat up and huffed as he stood up. she straightened her glasses and pushed her hair out of her face. i'm gonna... she laid back down. i dunno! she glared playfully at him and then the ceiling. i'm just gonna not talk to you for the rest of the night! she poked her tongue out at him. what do ya think of that? hmm? she kept quiet for a moment, pulling her ngiht down down to hide her thighs and crossing them over her chest, glaring at the ceiling. i can't stand the silence, she laughed, and looked to him. i'll punish you some how, angel. don't underestimate me. she rolled onto her side, using an arm to prop her head up and to watch him. come back here, i'm lonely.

[LUCCA MICHKAEL ANGELO]

he wasn't all the surprised that he smelled bad, he knew he did. he probably smelled like alcohol, weed, vomit, blood, and sweat. none of those things remotely smelled good to anyone. well.. weed and alcohol smelled sonderful to him but that was a different story completely. he was an odd one, that much was true. he wished he had brought some sort of clothing with him now that he thought about it. he didn't have time though. none of this was ever usually planned between them although he often did come on fridays to get away from home for at leas tone night out of the week so he didn't have to worry about getting beat out of his mind. he didn't care if he died, but he cared if he had to live with the pain. that was just annoying as all fuck.

"yeah, i really should just keep stuff here, huh?" he said in a slightly joking manner. "next time i'll remember that while my head is getting smacked into the tile." he added with a slight smirk. as she said she didn't want to see his 'junk' he rose his brow and smirked. "oh yeah? don't want to see it? that's good cause you never will." he teased her lightly. "then again you did say you're not 'all' too interested. so i know you are a little bit. don't worry, i may be short, but i'm not small." he said with a mock cocky manner before laughing softly and holding her close.

he took joy in fustrating her sometimes. she was so smart and so articulate that she often fustrated him, so when he could get her tongue tied, he thought it was pretty awesome. he stayed silent to punish her longer as he stood there with his arms crossed and smirked. "oh i would never underestimate you." he joked. as she asked him to come back, saying she was lonely, he smiled tenderly and walked back over to the bed, crawling on it and laying down. sometimes he really wondered what it was that made them love each toher so much. perhaps it was that saying that there was someone out there for everyone? perhaps even the hopeless lucca angelo had a soul mate out there, but he would feel rather selfish if that person was winnie marcs. it wasn't fair at all to her. she was such a special girl, so loving and beautiful. it just didn't seem right that she would be doomed with a guy like him. she would have someone smart, a rocket scientist maybe, and he would be sweet and caring like nobody's business. he would be all she's ever wanted, and all she's ever needed as well as so much more. he would be the one person to save her from her own personal hell. that guy wasn't angel. it couldn't be. he curled up next to her, the hood over his head again as he pushed the hair from her face gingerly. his finger slowly trailed down her cheek and he smiled at her as he looked into her eyes. "you are exquisite winona." he said gently before leaning forward and kissing her head. lucca pushed himself up from the bed and got to his feet. "okay, i'm going to wash up for real this time, scout's honor." he joked, holding his hand up. the day he was a boyscout was the day she was a cheerleader. he meant it though as he left the room.

he entered the bathroom again and grabbed a wet cloth, wringing it out slightly before he ran it under his shirt, washing away the sweat from his body. he looked at himself in the mirror and shook his head. "wow you look like shit.." he muttered to himself before he continued washing. he tossed the rag into the hamper and looked around the counter. he found a bottle of mouth wash and took the cap off, careful not to let his lips touch it as he poured some into his mouth and swished it around before running the water and spitting. he eyed the bottle for a moment and he glanced at the door before taking a long drink of the alcohol based substance, closing his eyes as he felt slightly queezy from the minty content. he took another drink before he set it aside and let out a hard breath, glancing at himself again. he touched his eye gingerly and winced slightly before touching his lip, then his nose. at least things looked like they would heal alright. they would hurt like hell in the morning though.

lucca switched off the bathroom light and walked back over to winnie's room, smiling softly at her. "alright, slightly better." he said before he eyed her. it was a little hot in the room. he sighed softly and shook his head, unzipping his hoodie. "no looking! pervert!" he joked, knowing she was aware that he never took his hoodies off infront of people. he hated his body so much he'd rather have a heat stroke. he took the hoodie off and looked at his arms, swallowing hard as he set it aside. next came his shirt which was removed a lot slower from the pain his was in around his body, the loss of the shirt revelaing more bruises and cuts over the tattoos. he set the shirt on top of his hoodie on the chair at her dest and ran a hand over his hair before he dug through the pockets of his pants, finding a joint he left there and slipping it between his lips as he unloaded his pockets.

outfit;; pow!

[WINONA MARIE MARCS]

winona smiled, kissing the heel of his hand as he pushed a bit of her hair away from her face. while her eyes darted from one point on his face to another, winona considered herself and lucca. she figured that if she had to draw one of those graphs involving things they had in common and the things they didn't, they would have more in their own individual circles than their shared one. still, here they were, and here they usually were on friday nights. winona wanted to live, she wanted to over come this burden she called daddy and the misfortune that she had to suffer through. she wanted to prove to the god she had once prayed to every night that she was too powerful for even him to throw her off. lucca didn't want that. he just wanted to stop suffering and he didn't care if that meant taking his own life or running away from it all. at this thought, winone leaned forward. not long now, angel. we'll be out of here before you know it, she kissed his forehead and nodded as he dismissed himself and left the room.

she rolled onto her back, and tugged her large shirt down as far as it could from the position, crossing her legs and tucking an extra pillow under her head. she looked to the clock and couldn't believe it was so late. she looked to her lap top and stood, saving her history essay in word processor, and opening a few windows to check her e-mail. there was a few informal messages from the colleges she had already been accepted to, a few things from the boarding school informing her of upcoming events she wouldn't bother to attend, quite a bit of spam, and a few things from her grandmother in montana. really, winona really only had one friend and he was in her bathroom, hopefully, cleaning himself. she turned her computer off before heading back to her bed and laying back down on her back. the thought of the whole thing - the fact that in this room she had once finger painted the walls and pressed her nose into one of the corners for an hour as her first form of punishment, ever. that she had recovered from a head injury in this bed, while her mother suffered just a floor below. that she had lost her virginity in this bed at the age of thirteen in one of the most sinful, painful ways. that the man she had admired and loved and was supposed to have taught her to drive and was supposed to walk her down the isle of a church in the future fucked her whenever he damn well pleased. this room where she melted into lucca's arms to sleep in a few nights a weak, where she could hear his heart beat and look into his eyes and feel her knee's go week. this room made her weak.

she removed her glasses and set them on the night stand, wiping at her eyes and gulping back that gulp in her throat. she had managed to return her appearance back to normal by the time lucca had returned, and laughed as he called her a pervert. you're getting naked in my bedroom, right in front of me. i have the right to look. and she did, her head tilted to the side. she didn't bother to put her glasses back on, instead she leaned closer to observe some of the tattoos she had never seen before. she pointed to the flesh above his belt buckle. does that say and? and what? she sat back. she looked up to his face, noticing the joint between his lips. if you find a lighter in those pants and you want to light up, do it next to the open window. she had never minded weed. she had smoked a few times before, but she was what some people dubbed a three hitter quitter, she smoked but had only been high once. it was an unusual experience which she hadn't actually disliked. she considered for a moment and figured she wouldn't want to do drugs in college, so why not now? and share it.

[LUCCA MICHKAEL ANGELO]

he chuckled and shook his head at her. "oh yes, i'm getting naked in your room." he joked as he rolled his eyes playfully. now that he thought about it, that wouldn't be a bad idea. that was when it came back to his mind who- rather what.. had just had sex with her. a monster. he knew he couldn't even think to call it sex. it was rape. it was cold and brutal rape by someone who was supposed to be protecting her, not hurting her. he always thought it would be different- fathers and daughters. apparently all men were monsters though and inside each and every one of them lived a beast willing to escape whenever it pleased. it didn't care who or what it was unleashed on. men were heartless and cold. they had no purpose on this earth as far as he was concerned. women- women were so much softer, so much kinder. they cared for others- they nurtured. they cred. men didn't give a shit. look at him now. his best friend winnie, a girl, a poor defensless girl who loved him and depended on him- he was killing himself infront of her a little more everyday and he never stopped to think what it would do to her. it didn't matter though. she would move on. she would go to college and leave him behind. she would get out of this place and she would be happy and maybe start a family one day. he would never do any of that. as soon as senior year was over, he was going to pull the trigger if not before then. she would be out of here and she would be safe and that's all he was interested in. the world would go on without little lucca angelo in it. the world would keep on spinning effortlessly and if he did it right- not even his best friend who cared so dearly would know about that. finally, he would be able to sleep again in peace like he hadn't done since he lived with his grandmother as an infant.

as she pointed to the flesh above his belt buckle, he looked down and sucked on the joint a moment as it was about to fall out of his mouth. "yeah, search and destroy." he explained before doing a half spin both ways so she could see the full tattoo. he continued rummaging until he found his lighter and flicked it open, giving it a shake before lighting it and nodding. at least there was still flame left in it. he put the unlit joint behind his ear and he loked her over a moment before nodding. "come on, we'll go out on your roof then. i don't wat your mother smelling this." he said, purposly not saying parents considering he didn't give a damn about her father. "oh, and this is probably my favorite lately." he said, pushing out his left arm to show the tattoo of a human heart with a knife through it. "its much more realistic." he said as he flexed his arm slightly before looking at his bandaged left wrist, the blood starting to seap through slightly. he didn't mind though, instead he shrugged it off and moved towards the window.

he stepped out onto the roof carefully and offered his hand to her, helping her out. he linked his fingers with hers as he carefully moved towards the top of the house and sat with her there, looking up at the moon. "its nice out here, yeah?" he asked before slipping the joint in his mouth and lighting it. he took a deep breath in and closed his eyes, slowly letting it out through his nose before he handed it over to her. "you do know how to smoke one of these, right?" he said jokingly before he burped slightly, shaking his head at the gross upturning of listerine in his throat with stomach bile. "ugh." he grunted before taking the blunt back from her and taking another hit. "you decided what school you're going to next year?" he asked as he looked out at the street, a certian sadness in his voice as he spoke, trying to mask it by a forced smile. he really didn't want her to go and he didn't know what he would do without her next year, but he knew it wouldn't matter. he'd be gone all together and she'd be off living life. he just wasn't ready to leave her even if it meant a better life for her. he supposed that was why he was alright with it. she deserved the best.

outfit;; pow!

[WINONA MARIE MARCS]

winona stood from her bed, pressing the wrinkles out of her shirt with her palms and followed his lead. mom wouldn't notice, she muttered. she also wanted to add that it would be hypocritical for her mother to be concerned or ashamed of winona's infrequent drug use, while she was under the influence of over the counter pills most of the day. she took lucca's hand and climbed over the window ledge, the shingles of the roof rough against her bare feet and, as they sat, even rougher on her bare legs. while he lit up she observed his current favorite tattoo, the fingers of her free hand tracing the outline of it, her other hand giving his a squeeze. her fingers traced up his arm, her eyes exploring his bare torso. i like this one, she traced the words lightly: live each day as if it were your last.

ha ha, she drawled, sarcastically, removing the exploring hand and pinching the joint between her thumb and index finger, sipping at it. she watched the end glow orange and nearly burn out as she inhaled and paused. she removed the joint from her lips and held them shut. she let the smoke settle within her, feeling the itching in the back of her throat. she closed her eyes and held it in for another moment before exhaling slowly. she watched as the smoke escaped her mouth, and a bit through her nose. she cleared her throat and repeated the process before returning the joint to lucca.

one hit usually did nothing to winona. the second hit usually made her feel light, like she did after eating a big meal and then emptying her stomach. she wasn't bulimic, but occasionally she felt too weighed down and would empty herself to feel less like an anchored ship. the third hit usually made everything look better, taste better, feel better, sound better, and make just about everything better. that was where she usually stopped, in the limbo between sober and stoned, with everything better. once before though, and probably tonight, she took about a half dozen extra hits and remembered watching the ground move beneath her feet, and hearing her heart beat pounding in her ears. it felt scary, but freeing.

she took the joint from him once more and took three small hits from it, passing it back. i've been accepted to everywhere i've applied so far, she cleared her throat, still feeling that hot itch behind her tonsils. so far, georgetown has my fancy. the only problem is georgetown isn't ready for a girl like me. she had remembered reading the website and the pamphlet and seeing the groups of girls there. revealing clothing and southern accents and girls who wore pins that said 'virgin by choice'. that was what winona had seen, nothing more than the fake laughs of supposedly candid photos, girls linking arms as if those things made people feel comfortable. it made winona feel like she would be moving from one school of cliques and cunts to another. georgetown had great classing opportunities, though. i'm still too afraid to even finish filling out the application for yale.

she handed the joint back to him, resting her head on his shoulder. which one do you want to go to? she asked, nuzzling her nose against his neck. the thing about weed was that it seemed to make winona drowsy, but more honest. 'cause i'm not leaving this town without you. she had known that it would be difficult to leave him the very first night he came to her house. she knew she couldn't leave him the first time she noticed that he was absent from school. lucca attended school even when sick, just to get away from his home, so winona had figured something was wrong. during lunch she had called the local hospital, and who was checked into one of the wards for the unstable? lucca. if he could slit his wrists while she was a room away, she knew something terrible would happen with the two of them on different ends of the country. she knew he'd probably put up a fight to this, but she shrugged, giving her rebuttal before he even had the oppurtunity to fight: either you go with me, or i stay here. she knew he couldn't say no to that.

she took another hit, and laid back looking to the gyrating stars. it's not so bad, she mumbled. no, it is bad. sometimes, though, it isn't so bad. sometimes he'll hold me afterward, he'll pet my hair, and call me pooh bear. when that happens, i kind of think that those good times are worth the bad. she smiled sadly at the stars, her thumb stroking the back of his hand still. then it gets bad again. when things get bad, i'm never there. i'm behind my eye lids. i'm off in the past, my childhood, or i'm with you. the only problem about being with you, when i'm really with him, though, is not knowing. not knowing if you fuck or if you make love. you're awfully gentle with me, but there's so much violence in your life.. i don't know if you're rough or not. she shrugged. winona was always rather honest with him, but under this smokey influence, she was just plain blunt. ironic. she licked her lips. she sat up, her lips curved into a small smile and her lids heavy. she nodded and watched as he sipped on the end of the joint. shot gun, she mumbled and as he pulled away she placed her lips on his, half open.

[LUCCA MICHKAEL ANGELO]

as they sat on the roof, he looked down and watched her fingers trace his tattoo, a small nodd coming from his head. "i try." he said softly before peering at her face, wondering what she was thinking. "i mean.. you never know when it could be, right?" he added, quite honestly. it was a good possibility that every day would be his last when he was living his life the way he was living it and he was fine with that. he was absolutely happy with the fact that he might never wake up again and that he would finally get some rest. finally all the pain would go away and he would be able to just sleep fully instead of with one eye open constantly. his body would go into slumber and he would never again have to feel what its like to slowly kill yourself with each drink, each hit, each dose, each punch. he would finally be happy with everything, though- there was one thing holding him back and one thing that kept him hanging on even just a little bit. winnie. he knew he couldn't leave her yet, but he would soon and she wouldn't even know. they would be fine with that. she would go off to college and when she came back for a visit, he simply wouldn't be there. she would think that he went off somewhere and that he finally got out- and it would be the truth. he would be off somewhere and he would finally be out. he would finally be at peace.

he chuckled softly at her sarcastic laugh at him wondering if she could actually smoke a blunt. he figured she could, but he loved to poke fun at her.he watched her as she took her hits, almost like a pro. it kind of gave him mixed emotions that she had done this before, but who hadn't these days. he didn't really want to be the one to give it to her either, but he didn't want to deny it from her. she deserved a little let go after the night she had honestly. he didn't want to get her hooked, but he knew she could handle her own. this blunt wouldn't even do much for him. it would dull things, make him feel a bit lighter, but it wouldn't even get him high if he took the whole thing on his own. after his hit, he allowed her to take it from him and take more. he watched as the smoke floated through her body and slowly drizzled out. it was almost beautiful the way it looked. he smirked a little and looked back out at the moon and stars just over the horizon of the house across the street.

lucca took a few hits as he listened to her talk about the schools she was going to. he felt like there was a knife just twisting in his heart. it was twisting deeper and deeper and he swalowed back the lump the formed in his through. he sniffled lightly, his nose annoyingly packed, but still feeling runny as he sat there. he hated that feeling. it often happened whenever he was hit in the nose. he knew it wasn't broken, but it was spranged. he could feel that it was slightly swollen and he didn't know how she could say he was 'gorgeous' earlier with a face like this. "georgetown... where is that?" he asked softly as he took another hit and scratched at his exposed knee through the holes in his pants. he wondered how far away it was. where would she be when he was dead? would she be right next door, or across the united states? would she be on the other side of the world? he was sure she would do well no matter where she went. "you need to finish that application to yale." he said, knowing how important a school like that was. she deserved the best even if it meant she would leave him behind. "did you put one into harvard yet? and don't say you can't because i know you can." he added as he looked at her, taking another hit. "you deserve to go to the best school you can, and that includes the best in the united states and one of the best in the world." lucca explained as he peered into her eyes momentarily.

he swallowed hard when she asked him which one he wanted to go to. he hadn't filled out one application or applied for one scholarship since his senior year began like everyone else. he knew it was a waste of his time. he wouldn't be able to get into anywhere other than the local community college, if he even graduated. lucca was smart in most of his school subjects, he just didn't do any of the work that it took to get good grades. the only class he ever did well in was english and that was only when they had to write essays. he was good with his words. other than that, most of his grades ranged from failing to c's within the classes he needed to have to graduate. he even failed some of those classes. he was walking a very fine line on whether or not he would pass. "you know i don't have the grades to do this winnie." he sighed as he took another hit and shook his head. "and you have to get the hell out of here. you can't live like this." he said sternly, giving her a look before shaking his head and looking at his feet.

she took the blunt back from him and took another hit before she handed it back to him. he watched her as she laid back and he bit his lip softly, careful not to bite where his lip was split open on the opposite side of his lip ring. instead, he took the ring in his mouth and ran his tongue over it gently. he closed his eyes and squeezed the bridge of his nose, the blunt hanging from his mouth as she began talking to him about things. he felt her thumb start stoking his hand and he grit his teeth hard, his stomch flipping. he was starting to feel sick again as he got flashes of imagery in his head of her under that monster, the look of pleasure on his face as she just took it or cried. his breathing grew slightly heavier and he pulled his hand from hers, tightening it into a fist as he listened. he wanted to kill that man so badly. he wanted to snap his neck. he wanted to shoot him in the head. he wanted to watch the light diminish from his eyes. he wanted so much to just rid the monster from this earth. he had vowed so many times that he would never have kids because it seemed as though everytime a man did, they turned evil on them. he didn't know how anyone even lived in this world.

his heart jumped as the conversation switched and she began talking about him. he swallowed hard feeling a large lump in his throat, a chill running though him. he raked a hand through his hair and took a hard drag on the blunt, coughing lightly as his stomach tightened into knots. he licked his lips slowly and looked back to her. "why would you want to think about being with me?" he asked as he looked over her before looking off into the distance. "um..." he tried to think about what it would be like to have sex with himself. "it depends on what i'm on.. i guess..." he said before looking to his feet. "its been a while since i've had sex sober.. i mean... well i'm hardly ever sober. but yeah its... different with everyone i.. i guess.." he said as he shrugged and looked out to the distance. "i'm not all too interested in sex.. i don't do looking for it.. i'm not one of those types of guys that's like 'man i need to get laid' but i don't really turn it down either." he explained before taking another hit and scratching his knee. "i uh... if i ever had sex with you i think it would be different. i'd probably want to be sober but i- i don't know. i never thought about it.. about you and me." he said before scratching his head. he always did a lot scratching when he was nervous. at least he wasn't biting on his fingers which he had a tendency to do. "i never really 'made love' i guess. i mean.. i don't really know what that means. i've only ever loved one person in my life and i haven't had sex with her." he explained before he removed the blunt and replaced it with his fingers. he bit on them lightly as he though over his words. "i'm not always rough.. sometimes they like it better that way.. sometimes it slower. it all depends on the chick i'm with that night." he explained before he continued to nibble on the pads of his fingers. "i think i would rather.. make it last.. do something special with you.. i don't know- why are we even talking about this?" he asked before taking his fingers from his mouth and taking a long hit.

he let the smoke fill him completely and let it flow from him before taking another few hits. before he knew it, the blunt was nearly gone. he was about to take the last hit before she said 'shotgun' and pressed her lips to his. her lips were half open and on instinct he kissed her back slightly before falling over sideways and looking up at her, slightly confused before he started laughing. "i think you've had enough." he said before taking the final hit and putting it out. he shook his head, chuckling, attributing the behavior to her being possibly high. he stood up, and helped her up as well before he took her back down to her window and helped her inside. "you should probably get some sleep or something." he said as he closed the window and turned to her. "its getting late, and you look tired." he smirked slightly.

outfit;; pow!

[WINONA MARIE MARCS]

winona had kept quiet through his sort of rant, a small smile curving her plush lips upward in a smile. her hand fell at her side, empty without his. when she pressed her lips to his, she half expected the kiss, but was half expecting just what she'd asked for. most shot guns were lip to lip, though she'd done a few through circled fingers. she had never smoked with lucca before, so she really hadn't expected herself to request one. nor had she expected their lips to mesh in a smokey kiss. her lids fluttered shut and she leaned into him, opening her eyes slowly as he pulled away. you don't go looking for it, angel, that's what i love about you. you're a breath of fresh air. you're the only man worth giving it all up to. she smiled and covered her mouth as she yawned. she looked out to the stars, nodding. she had had enough, but was still only in that limbo between sober and stoned. she was honest and daring, but she wasn't ready to leap without looking.

she let him help her through her window, but stumbled as her feet sunk into the thick carpet below the window sill. she stumbled forward and fell, knocking him down as well like a pair of dominoes. they landed, on her bed, side ways and their feet dangling over the edge. she looked down at him, wearing that same soft and subtle smile, pushing her hair out of her face, then pushing hair out of his face. making love is... she tried to think of words to explain it. not to sound cliche, but making love is when you connect with someone on a physical basis. when two people in love can't think of words to say how much they love one another, or when they can't stand to have any amount of space between them. honestly, according to that definition, we kind of make love every time we hug, huh? honestly, i think love is just friendship set aflame. she exhaled heavily, and licked her bottom lip. acceptance letter or no acceptance letter, where ever you are, i'll be. whether you want to travel for me or if you'd like to stay here, i don't care. she chuckled, preparing to say something very cliche. you're my wonder wall. i'm willing to let daddy fuck me nightly if it means you'll keep on living, she ran her finger over his bottom lip, her own lips curving into a frown. she had been honest, but hated the thought of possibly allowing such to happen.

she let her lips hover from his for a moment, her lips nearly pressing to his swollen and split ones, but she didn't. instead, she sighed. i have to brush my teeth. she pushed herself away from him and headed across the hall way to the rest room.

[LUCCA MICHKAEL ANGELO]

lucca took in her words and looked down, shaking his head softly. "too bad there's nothing left for either of us to give, huh?" he asked quietly as his eyes scanned the horizon once more. neither of them were virgins, and both of them were too broken to have anything for each other. he didn't know what love meant other then when he was around her. it was something weird and once he had described it in an english essay in a collision of words of what he felt for her, and around her, and everything he had ever wanted to do while he was with her. the teacher wrote 'ah, love' with a big fat A+ next to it. he would never forget the day she made him get up and read that infront of the class. either he had to read it, or she would read it for him, so he chose to read his poetic masterpiece about winona marcs while she sat in the front row of the classroom, his eyes looking to hers every so often as he read. 'and to say such feelings, such affliction towards any one person, any two people was normal, such a feeling was so easily exchanged would be false. people walk their entire lives in this abyss and exchange greetings and farewells without a second look back. to say that there would be a moment to go forever without a simple glance, a simple hello, a simple hug would be a tragedy. one could not possible hope to explain the pull between two people that only few experience when they experience it. it is a miracle upon miracles and as the two watch the stars collide in the heavens above, one cannot possibly help but stop to think that this moment was perfect. even as the stars fell around them and the world came to a crashing hault, perfection was found in her eyes.' he licked his lips lightly and looked into her eyes, a smile hardly ever seen began spreading across his face. perfection really was found in her eyes.

she knocked the two of them over and he winced before laughing slightly as they laid side by side, their feet dangling off the bed as they looked into each other's eyes. she pushed the hair out of their faces and he smiled gently as he caressed her face before listening to her explaination. he played with his lip ring with his tongue as she spoke and he peered into her eyes before looking away in thought. "we make love every time we hug?" he asked before chuckling slightly. "i guess that makes sense with your defination.." he smirked slightly before scratching his hair line. "why try to complicate things though? if two people are in love and they know they're in love, why the hell would you want to go and mess it up by making things awkward with sex?" he asked before he looked back to her again, holding up his finger. "for example: there was this really hot chick that i used to get high with all the time. i mean she was.. beautiful- amazingly sexy. she got horny one night and started going all over me, so i figured why the hell not? it was just bad. i mean- she was a good fuck, sure, but she wouldn't stop with the constant talking while she was moaning. i mean this girl could dirty talk like nobody's business, but it was terrible. it wasn't ever attractive at all. whenever i saw her after that, that's all i could think of and that i was like-" lucca shook his head and stopped himself, making a light gag noise before chuckling.

she ran her finger over his busted bottom lip, and he frowned greatly as he looked into her eyes. "you think i'd let you do anything like that?" he asked before he sat up slightly and shook his head. "you don't understand winnie- really, you don't.. i will kill that son of a bitch. i've got nothing left to fucking lose. i only don't do it because last time- well fuck the look you gave me when you saw me with that gun... i won't let you keep going through this, not while i'm still alive. you're not going to stay here. you're going to go off and you're going to start your life and you will get every fucking thing you have ever wanted and deserved in life and so much more. i ain't gonna let you stay here and go through this. i promised you i'd get you out, and i will, even if that means handcuffing you onto a bloody plane for new haven, you are gonna go, got it? it ain't right for you to sit here and just take all this- i sware to god i'm gonna-" he stoped himself with a growl and covered his face before throwing a hard left fist into the bed, followed by another. "that fucking bastard!" he growled as he got up pacing the room before he kicked one of her shoes across the room. "mother fucker." he snarled and punched her wall a few times, the last leaving bloody knuckle marks on it before he slid down her wall to sit.

he watched as she left to go brush her teeth and he shook his head repeatedly before burying his face in his arms, breathing heavily. he felt so helpless for her. he couldn't fix things for her and it was killing him inside.

outfit;; pow!