[open] Winner in a Losing Game

[JASMINE ELISE SCOTT]

Jasmine wasn't really too sure what she was doing here... she didn't normally come here on weekends, but for some reason, she just needed music today, and Jeremy was in one of his moods where disturbing him would be a horrible idea, and considering he was in the recording studio where the piano was located, she had to go somewhere else to play. She wasn't afraid that Jeremy would hurt her or anything, he was her brother, and he was the only guy who she had ever felt completely safe with and wasn't afraid would do anything to bring her into harms way... but she was the only person who knew what he was going through, and even she couldn't understand his pain. He needed help, but she knew she couldn't give it to him, as much as it hurt her to see him in that kind of pain, she knew she should just stay away for a while and let him fight it out on his own like he had been doing for the past three years.

Not knowing where else to go, she had wandered to the school, and let herself into the auditorium which was often left open for the students use on weekends. It was completely quiet there, not a soul to be seen... not even the janitor or a security guard... just the way she liked it. This place was her dream... she wanted, almost more than anything, to have somewhere like this packed with people, and to have the courage to step out on that stage and sing... but she knew she was much too afraid for that to ever happen. Jasmine didn't know why she was so afraid and shy... she just always had been. Nothing bad had ever happened to her, and the few people she actually let see and hear her music always told her she was amazing... but still, she was much too afraid. She couldn't even play in front of one stranger, let alone 600 people.

Coming here when the place was empty was something she often did, but her visits were becoming less frequent as her hopes continued to fade. Even when she sang where only Jeremy or someone else she was close with could hear, she got extremely nervous, and it never seemed to get much better. Fame wasn't what she wanted... in fact, she would rather remain one of those artists that only a few people ever heard about... she just wanted to get over her fear of people, and if she could step out on this stage and sing for a sold out theater, she knew that she would have accomplished that... but as it were, just the thought of that happening terrified her. It was a strange thing, the one thing you want the most being the one thing that scares you out of your mind... but that was how she felt, and she couldn't help it.

Jasmine walked slowly down the aisles of seats towards the stage, imagining the words "Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome to the stage, Jasmine Elise Scott" booming out of the surround sound speakers in the auditorium as she stepped into the spotlight and up to the microphone. Her hand slid lightly over the fabric of the backs of the padded seats as she passed each row, not making a sound as she walked silently, her eyes locked on the stage in front of her. When she reached the stage, she made her way up the steps and onto the stage where she imagined she would someday stand, but as she looked out into the rows of empty seats and imagined each one of them filled with an unfamiliar face, the slightest trembling started in her hands, and slowly traveled through her thin body, causing her to close her eyes and bite her lip, as if willing the fear to dissipate and let her accomplish her dream. It didn't work.

Her brown eyes flew open again, and she hastily made her way off the stage, and back down the stairs, retracing her steps more hurriedly now, towards the door. She could feel the sting of tears building up in her eyes... tears of frustration. She couldn't even face an imaginary crowd, how was she ever going to face an actual crowd? Even in her imagination now she couldn't handle it. Before she had always imagined herself just singing in front of all those people, and everything going perfectly... now she imagined the people there, and she couldn't stay. It was getting worse... her stage fright was increasing. She envied her brother so much, and at times that envy occasionally even made her mad at him. He had gone through so much, losing his girlfriend to cancer, and still he could stand in front of huge masses of people without a lick of fear... and here she was, nothing traumatizing to speak of, and she couldn't even stand up in front of an imaginary crowd of people and do the one thing that she loved the most.

Before she knew it, she was out in the field a ways off from the school, sitting beneath the boughs of the large oak tree with hot tears running down her face. She was so angry at herself for her shortcomings. She should have been able to do this, she had gone though nothing that would make her fear people or fear reproach... but she was terrified... frightened, scared out of her mind... and the people hadn't even really been there. God how she wished she could have just a little bit of courage. She felt like the lion from the Wizard of Oz... only wanting the courage to do what she was made to do. She knew singing and music was what she wanted to do... and she knew it was what she was made to do with her life, but she just wasn't brave enough to do it, and it frustrated her to no end. Now that she couldn't even handle the imaginary crowd, her frustration was only increased.

This wasn't the first time her tears had come as a result of trying to face her fears, and it probably wouldn't be the last either. Most of the time she went and talked to Jeremy about it... but he had bigger things to deal with than her fears, and right now he was trying to do that, and she wouldn't want to intrude on him... so today the tree was her silent confidant. She pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them, and leaning back against the tree. What is wrong with me? she whispered as she closed her eyes, letting the light breeze dry the tears on her face. She just didn't understand her fear and why she couldn't bring herself to do the one thing she wanted to. Her dream was slowly but surely slipping out of her fingers, and she seemed powerless to stop it from becoming a nightmare.

[BENJI TIMOTHY LESSART]

He suddenly felt two large, cold hands grab hold of his neck and a large mass thrust him into the kitchen counter. The fingers around his neck, making it harder and harder for him to breathe. "I'll teach you for saying that to me" All his brother and sister could do was watch as his step-father tried to strangle him. Benji struggled but it was just no use. He was muscular but his strength wasn't as powerful as Gerry's was. Suddenly, he felt the grip release and his lungs were flooded with air. Gerry's face had his usual smug look that made Benji sick whenever he looked at it. He sped to the front door and grabbed his coat. There was no way he was going to stay here, even if it meant he would have to sleep at the school tonight. He stormed out the front door, making sure to slam it on his way.

Benji's face was beginning to sting, which he knew was from the numerous cuts and bruises that had recently been put there. He was used to it by now, and could already feel the stares of the passer-bys. They probably thought he was some thug, heading back from his lasest mugging. Sometimes Benji wished that was the way it always went down. At least then he would have an excuse for all the brutality. Instead he was forced to smile and tell people that it was from practicing. They always believed him and told him to just take a few days off. Oh, how he wished he could but he had no say in the matter. If he even slacked a little bit, his step-dad would make him regret it.

He finally found his way to the school and decided to make his way to the field. This was where he would be staying the night anyways. He could feel the blood running into his eyes, mixing with his tears. Maybe he should just move out. No, he could never leave Jessie. Who knows what could happen to her if he left. Besides, where would he possibly go? He wiped the blood from his eyes and made his way to the field when he noticed a girl he recognized under a tree. It was Jasmine, a girl he had fallen for but she looked different then when he first saw her. She seemed distressed and upset, clinging to her knees. Benji quickly jogged over to her, unaware of the blood that had begun flowing from the cut again.

" Jasmine, what are you doing here on the weekend?" He sat down beside her and turned towards her when he saw what he thought to be the residue of tears. Why Jasmine had been crying, he could not be sure of but the reason didn't really matter to him. " Hey Jasmine. you OK? You seem to be upset and you know you can tell me if something is bugging you right?"[/i] Jasmine was his best friend at this school and he hated to see her like this. If some boy had made her this way, Benji wouldn't even think twice about punching the dude out. No-one would ever hurt Jasmine as long as he lived and breathed.

[JASMINE ELISE SCOTT]

Admittedly, Jasmine was a bit of a pushover. She felt bad saying no to anyone, and as a result never said no. She was always getting herself into less than favorable situations because of it, she'd lost her virginity because of it, she's gotten her heart broken many times because of it... there was no telling what she would do because of her inability to say no. She was extremely shy, but she was also a hopeless romantic. Any guy that was nice to her tended to sweep her off her feet... and of course, most of them turned out to be jerks that were just using her.

But then there was Benji... he wasn't anything like those other guys. He didn't try to hit on her when he first saw her, he didn't seem only interested in himself and what he wanted, and he had been genuinely kind to her right from the start. Normally, Jasmine was too timid to make the first move, but at the beach with Benji she just couldn't help herself, and for once in her life went out on a limb and kissed him. Mush to her surprise, and delight, he kissed her back, and that night had turned out to be possibly the best night of her life. She couldn't remember a time when she felt quite so happy as she had in that moment with the ocean lapping against their bodies, arms wrapped around one another. I certainly wouldn't go so far as to say that she was in love with him right away, but she had definitely fallen for him, and the way things had gone odds were she would fall in love with him before long.

Jasmine was so frustrated with herself that she didn't hear or see Benji's approach. She was trying to do like Jeremy has suggested so many times and turn her frustrations into lyrics. He always said that even if no one ever heard the song, if you wrote it, sang it, and even put music to it, it always felt like you were somehow getting it off your chest and like things would be better somehow afterward. It had worked for her before, but somehow it just never seemed to work for this, and she didn't know why. Maybe because she didn't understand why it was happening and all... it just confused her.

She jumped slightly when he spoke and sat down next to her. I know... she said, biting her lip slightly, I'm fine I just... as she turned towards him, she stopped in the middle of what she was saying, the blood on Benji's face making her instantly forget about what she had even been saying, or that she had been upset. What happened? she asked, unable to not be concerned. Jazz was always looking after people... putting everyone else before herself. She had always been that way. She was just the sort of girl who would only be happy when everyone else around her was happy too.

She lifted her hand and brushed her fingers lightly over one of many cuts on his face, looking down at the blood on her fingers, then back up to him. She had seen the way his brother and step-dad had treated him when they went to his house to get his surfboard, and she had a horrible feeling that she already knew what had happened... but she didn't want to conjecture to assume. A few weeks ago the blood might have made her sick to her stomach, but after Dannie had brought Justin to her house nearly half dead and blood practically soaking him and Dannie both. Now she could definitely handle the amount of blood on Benji. Even so though, she would always feel horrible every time he was hurt. She hated seeing the people she cared about hurting, emotionally or physically, that was just who she was.

[BENJI TIMOTHY LESSART]

Even Jasmine's soft touch over his would caused him to retract in pain. The wound was quite deep and Benji was almost positive that it would scar, just like the others. Although Jasmine and him were close, he didn't want to burden her with the information. It would just cause her to worry and could even make things more complicated if she decided to tell anyone. That was the last thing he needed right now.
" Oh nothing, just practicing too hard i guess.."[/i] He brushed some of the fresh blood away from the cut again. He knew that she wouldn't believe him, she knew him pretty well since the day the met but he hoped that she would just drop the subject.

Benji clasped her hand softly. " Jasmine, I really care about you and if somethings bugging you I wanna help you through it."[/i] He wasn't going to nag her about it however. Perhaps she felt the same way he did about her situation. He just wanted her to know that he cared and would be there for her if she needed it. He released her hand, his face beginning to flush before he laid down on the moist grass and sprawled out. It felt good to be outside instead of being cooped up indoors. He had always been more of an outdoors person and would much rather be out in the wilderness then in a large city. Tonight seemed like a great night to sleep under the stars.

The wind carefully blew the branches of the oak tree and the dirty blonde hair that belonged to Benji. The breeze felt soothing on his cuts and Benji closed his eyes, just enjoying the peacefulness that surrounded him. There was no screaming, no crying and best of all, no flailing fists. Just Benji and Jasmine under an oak tree, enjoying the weekend the best they could. " So what you been up to lately man?" [/i] He looked up at her with a large smile plastered on his face. "I think we should chill sometime soon."[/i] Being with Jasmine in this serene location felt like a dream to him and he wasn't sure if he ever wanted to wake up.

[JASMINE ELISE SCOTT]

Of course Jasmine didn't believe him... she'd seen him practice... she'd seen him nearly kill himself practicing... she knew that practicing wouldn't produce such an effect as the one this had. But secrets were something she was all too familiar with. There was Jeremy's secret about him and Brittany, there was her stage fright, her irrational fear of men, and most of all her dream. She knew all about keeping secrets. Some things, people just didn't want other people to know... she understood and respected that. Being an extremely quiet person herself, she didn't like sharing information about her all that much, and Benji was kind of like her, so she wasn't going to press the matter.

Instead she just tilted her head to the side ever so slightly and after a moment pulled a bandanna out of her back pocket and pushed it into his hands. If he wanted to get rid of the blood it would make much more sense to wipe it away with something that wasn't his hand... after all, blood all over his hands was no better than blood all over him elsewhere. She looked down at her hand in his for a moment, then back up to him again. She was always so mesmerized by him... by his touch. She'd been touched by a lot of guys, but it hadn't ever felt like this... she had never actually felt something pulling at her from within just because a guy was holding her hand in his. I... I know. she said, stumbling over her words as she got slightly nervous... a horrible habit of hers, I'm just... not really having the best day. she managed to get out, tripping over the words here and there.

She wasn't really lying, she was just not telling him everything. Whenever Jeremy got to be like that she always felt horrible because she couldn't help him. It had been a long time since Brittany had died, but Jeremy still regularly had horrible days. She'd made up excuses for him many times when friends of his came around when he was in one of these moods. He didn't want people to know about Brittany... not yet anyway. Despite the amount of time that had passed it was still hard and he wasn't ready. So Jasmine would make things up to protect him, to keep people from questioning him. Whenever he was like that she never had a good day. It just hurt her to see him like that. So technically by just saying that she wasn't having a good day she was telling the truth... just leaving out the details.

Jasmine turned so she was sitting cross legged and facing him...she really had a thing for him, and had already kissed him once... okay make that twice... but she had promised her brother that she wouldn't rush into a relationship this time to avoid getting hurt again. She really was fragile, and it should have been obvious, but most people didn't really care enough about that sort of thing. She was easy... so why not? None of her past boyfriends had really cared about her or hurting her. When she'd found out that her last boyfriend had been cheating on her the whole time she was completely heartbroken... again. Of course, when Jeremy had finally worked it out of her, he made her promise she wouldn't just rush into a relationship again, and then of course went off to do what any good older brother would do to the guy who broke his little sister's heart.

If it wasn't for that promise, she probably would have already moved on to more between her and Benji than just friends...but not yet. She wasn't going to make the first move... not this time. Nothing really. She admitted, I don't really have much of a life. The bright smile on his face slowly brought one to hers. It melted her heart every time she saw him smiling, and drove her crazy when she thought about it but he wasn't there. We're kind of doing that right now. She added, not really realizing the lack of her stutter now. It came and went when she was around him. With most anyone else it was always there and quite prominent... but he was different from most anyone... and whatever it was about him that was different made all the difference in her. Even if they were never anything but friends, Jasmine would be quite happy to be able to call him even that.